Everything You Want
by Mei-Mei the SciFi Junkie
Summary: After returning home, Meiling muses about her past and future, namely with Syaoran. Songfic to Vertical Horizon. R+R!!


1.1.1.1 Everything You Want  
  
By Mei-Mei  
  
Disclaimer: I do not purport to own CCS or any of its characters or trademarks. That honor belongs to a group of geniuses known collectively as CLAMP. Song lyrics are copyright Vertical Horizon. Some dialogue copyright Nelvana.  
  
A/N: I kinda got the idea for this story from Iris C.'s fic "Best I Ever Had," so muchas gracias to her! (Go read it; it's really good!) ^__^ I just though this song captured Meiling's hopelessness, despair, and longing perfectly. That seems to be the case with most Vertical Horizon songs. This piece has virtually no plot and can be sketchy and random at times, so any constructive criticism is welcome. But anyways, enjoy! As always, R+R!  
  
P.S. I recommend listening to the song while you read this fic. ^_^ ¡Chau!  
  
* * *  
  
—Somewhere there's speaking  
  
It's already coming in  
  
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind—  
  
* * *  
  
Dusk was falling in the courtyard. A fountain bubbled in the middle, and the topiaries at its edges stood guard like silent statues of soldiers. And in its midst toiled a young girl, her long black hair pulled up tight in the characteristic "odango" style. The red-and-gold blouse and pants she wore stuck to her clammy skin.  
  
Sweat poured down her face. Her tired muscles groaned. Yet she threw herself into the sequence again. Downblock, reverse punch, front kick. The steps were ingrained in her memory, but today, something, somehow, was hindering her. Keeping her from perfection. She always demanded, presumed perfection. Roundhouse. Sweat streamed, her breathing was ragged. Backfist, sidekick.  
  
The leg under her collapsed. She hit the tiled ground hard, jolting her back to reality. She slowly raised her stinging hands in front of her face. She stared at the bloody scrapes without seeing.  
  
She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't concentrate.  
  
Because of him.  
  
Her throat began to constrict as a cold, unbearable wave of grief washed over her. Her hands curled up, her body hunched over, her vision blurred. As Meiling tasted salt, she realized she was crying. She didn't try to stop it. Strong, proud, determined Meiling, crying. The thought made her sob harder. Reduced to a heap in the middle of the terrace, she wept hopelessly. She felt her spirit break, her hope shatter, and her mind lost all awareness, wandering back, remembering…  
  
* * *  
  
—You never could get it  
  
Unless you were fed it  
  
1.1.1.2 Now you're here and you don't know why—  
  
* * *  
  
Meiling stepped of the plane, breathing the beautiful Hong Kong air. Ahh, home. But was it really home, without… him? She shook her head to push the thought out of her mind. The flight had been too long, too much time to think. Standing on tiptoe, she looked around the sea of faces and color, seeking a familiar sight. She found one in the face of Tian.  
  
The long legs of Wei's brother strode gently towards her as he wove his way though the crowd. He was clad in navy trousers and a loose white shirt. His expression was benignly peaceful, but his deep brown eyes smiled.  
  
When he reached her, he merely stood in front of her, staring down at her with that same gentle expression. "Welcome home, Meiling," he said gravely. Then, he suddenly swept her up and spun her around, her navy skirt flying and his hearty laughter ringing. Her laughter mingled with his as they spun; pealing bells and a bubbling brook sang through the airport lobby.  
  
Perhaps "home" would cure the aching hole in her heart.  
  
* * *  
  
—But under skinned knees and the skid marks  
  
Past the places where you used to learn—  
  
* * *  
  
Building flew past, and red and blue and yellow signs. Her city was a blur of color. All the familiar sights made her feel peaceful, yet, at the same time, empty. She stared out the window in the backseat of the old, dark blue Mercury, her brilliant ruby eyes taking everything in: restaurants, movie theaters, temples, her old schoolyard. Tian's commentaries were a constant hum in the background.  
  
One statement pierced through the fog. "Everyone's waiting for you at home, Meiling. They're all excited to see you."  
  
Her heart sank, and her eyes lost their focus on the scenery. A giant swarm of relatives was just what she did not need right now. She already felt like enough of a failure without her clan reminding her about it.  
  
At least she could practice making fake smiles. She had a feeling she would be using them a lot.  
  
* * *  
  
—You howl and listen  
  
Listen and wait for the  
  
Echoes of angels who won't return—  
  
* * *  
  
Meiling wearily flipped on the light in her room. Finally. She had escaped the swarm. Seeing her parents again at least had been marvelous, but she wasn't sure that even they could help her in what she was going through.  
  
She threw the suitcase on the floor and flopped down on her bed. She glanced around. Her room was the same as it had been when she left…so long ago it seemed. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the red-framed picture on her dresser. She went over to it. It was the one of her and Syaoran on her seventh birthday. There was the serious Syaoran, smiling. He looked so ridiculous in that party hat.  
  
She flipped the picture face down and went to bed.  
  
* * *  
  
—He's everything you want  
  
He's everything you need  
  
He's everything inside of you  
  
That you wish you could be  
  
He says all the right things  
  
At exactly the right time  
  
But he means nothing to you  
  
And you don't know why—  
  
* * *  
  
The concrete of the courtyard felt so hard and cold, yet she didn't see it, or anything else around her. Everything she had bottled up inside her for so long came pouring out. What a failure she was. She had thought that coming home would help. But now she saw that it would just remind her of what she didn't have. And so as she lay in the lush yet empty courtyard, tears streaming from her ruby eyes, she tried to remember a time when life hadn't been so confusing…  
  
* * *  
  
—You waited for someone  
  
To put you together  
  
You waited for someone  
  
To push you away—  
  
* * *  
  
"Teddy bear, teddy bear, turn around." Meiling and Kwan chanted the familiar double dutch rhyme as Yuk jumped. Meiling's blue dress swung from side to side as she moved the ropes in rhythm. Her grin stretched from ear to her. She loved playing the park with her friends.  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him. He always sat apart from the other children and never played. He had messy brown hair, and such a serious face, a countenance of stone. But in his brown eyes, Meiling saw such a deep kindness that she knew he must be so gentle on the inside.  
  
"Meiling?" called Kwan. Meiling returned her attention to the double dutch: "Teddy bear, teddy bear, say goodnight."  
  
* * *  
  
And he had shown that gentle side. Just days later, he went through wind and rain to find her bird that had flown away. That had been the start. They became so close; Meiling and Syaoran, best friends, always together. They balanced each other perfectly: her vivacity and his equanimity. 'What happened to us?' thought Meiling. 'The Clow Cards happened…'  
  
* * *  
  
—There's always another  
  
Wound to discover  
  
There's always something more you wish he'd say—  
  
* * *  
  
The sun shone bright and the birds chirped merrily. Such a happy day for such a depressing doom to be laid upon her. She knew she was being sent home. Just outside Tomoeda Elementary, she sat on a park bench, staring intensely at her hands folded in her lap. She willed herself not to cry.  
  
"It's not such a big deal, Meiling," Syaoran was saying. "We can handle the Clow Cards without you."  
  
"I knew it!" she burst out jumping to her feet. "You don't need me! You think I get in the way!" She couldn't hold back the tears much longer…  
  
"Well, sometimes you do get in the way, Meiling," replied Syaoran.  
  
Without waiting to hear more, she ran, tears already streaming.  
  
* * *  
  
—So you'll just sit tight  
  
And watch it unwind  
  
It's only what you're asking for  
  
And you'll be just fine  
  
With all of your time  
  
It's only what you're waiting for—  
  
* * *  
  
Life without Syaoran always ended in tears. And the tears kept coming, from her bottomless well of sorrow. She knew she would always be in that courtyard, crying, forever. And so she sat and wept…  
  
* * *  
  
A letter came to Tomoeda in the mail the next day. It was addressed in scarlet ink to a Li Syaoran. And when he opened it, it read:  
  
Xiao-Lang,  
  
* * *  
  
—I am everything you want  
  
I am everything you need  
  
I am everything inside of you  
  
That you wish you could be  
  
I say all the right things  
  
At exactly the right time  
  
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why—  
  
* * *  
  
~Li Meiling  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
Bad ending, I know. Sorry! But please write me a review anyways, and go read my other story, Walk a Moon in Her Moccasins. It's another Meiling fic, and it's better. Arigatou! 


End file.
